he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
