I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The feeling are messing with the penis
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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