just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
