WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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