I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Can you bring me the toilet please
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize