remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
