Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
