She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
