so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
