I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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