hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
