love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
