She went from zero to smokin in five shots
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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