So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He did a backflip because drugs
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
