hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
