Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize