Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
