Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
