I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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