you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
