I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
