i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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