Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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