eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize