I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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