So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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