he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
