I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
