this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
