hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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