Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
