The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
