I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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