ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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