Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
