Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
