woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
