I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize