he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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