you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
