He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
