I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
