no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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