you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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