i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
