so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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