sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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