I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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