Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
