all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
