I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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