he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
