did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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