I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
