i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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