I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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