My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize