i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
