If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
