Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The beer is more important than you right now.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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