I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
