no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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