yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
