if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
