cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Randomize