sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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